Round 1 continues in the tradition started by the face off between Jessica Fletcher and Inspector Lewis, so without further ado it’s time to introduce the combatants:
This match has been subject to massive speculation. Two heavyweights from different sides of the Atlantic meeting competitively for the first time…
Round One – Car
Fitz looks beaten from the outset of this round – and turning his head can just make out Magnum’s Ferrari parked outside; tactical parking from his opponent or just coincidence? Regardless, Fitz doesn’t drive, as he is almost permanently drunk, so prepares for defeat.
But what’s this? Despite Magnum driving around Hawaii in his iconic Ferrari 308GTS, closer examination of the registration documents shows that Magnum is not the owner – the car belongs to Robin Masters, Magnum’s ‘friend’, and he simply lends Magnum his car whenever he needs it. And his house. This means Fitz isn’t quite as beaten as he had feared, and Magnum is left blushing behind his perfectly sculpted moustache.
Round Two – Character Flaws
Everyone knows TV Detectives need character flaws to make them interesting, and Manchester based Fitz has them in spades; the obese, chain-smoking, adulterous alcoholic with a gambling addiction relaxes into a dominant position.
Magnum is a fair bit more clean living than Fitz. True, he once killed a chinese man for blinking, but on the whole his military background and frequent shows of friendship, loyalty and morality mean he is struggling to make headway in this round.
Round Three – Being First Choice To Play Indiana Jones
A turn in fortune for Fitz sees him struggle in this round. Despite double checking, at Fitz’s insistance, with both George Lucas and Steven Spielberg, it turns out he was never first choice to play the iconic professor of archeology. He wasn’t even in the top five!
Magnum does quite well in this round, as he was Lucas’s first choice to play Indiana Jones. In a wonderful display of commitment to being Magnum, Magnum refused! He even went on to create an Indy parody episode called Legend of the Lost Art to show how much better Indy would have been with a moustache (no better).
Final Round – Neatness of moustache
Fitz can’t believe his bad luck at drawing this as the final round, and turns to the bottle in dismay. Judges gather around and make sympathetic noises, but there’s no getting away from the simple facts; no matter how drunk Fitz is, or to what hour he was in back street casinos the night before, he is always clean shaven.
Magnum flashes his signature smile and basks in the glory of an easy win. Whether he is infiltrating a boat filled with hired goons, or pretending to be a butler to help Higgins out of a pickle, Magnum’s facial topiary is never called into question.
They have different styles, different skill sets, different girths and different amounts of facial hair. But who wins this round of the TV Detective World Series? It’s over to you. As ever, voting is open for one month so will close on Monday 22nd May 2012.
It is statistically unlikely that your life depends on the outcome of this vote, but just in case it does… get voting!
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